You're Not the Woman I Thought You Were

A few weeks ago I scheduled a wellness visit at with a herpetologist for Speedy, our Eastern Box Turtle. I was concerned that her beak was too long and that her nails might need a trim. At the advice of a turtle owners group on Facebook and a somewhat reputable YouTube video, I tried to file it down myself with an emery board, but Speedy wasn't on board with this concept at all.

Before the appointment, I psyched myself up for whatever news the doctor had to share, whether good or bad. Overall we are doing a fine job with Speedy, who is the right age, weight, coloring, and so forth. Speedy is very active.

Speedy's beak should not be filed, as it will work itself out in due time. (And if it doesn't, then we should bring Speedy back.) Filing it down with an emery board could give poor Speedy a migraine, so no wonder the attempt was ill-received.

And then we got the startling news. Speedy is a boy.

Sir Speedy, Teenage Ninja Turtle Extraordinaire

Apparently the red eyes are a huge giveaway. Another is the convex shape of the lower half of his shell. Somehow I managed to keep a straight face during the vet's hands-on demonstration of how the shape of the bottom half of a male turtle's shell might help during the mating season.

(Just...think about it. Right? It does explain why Speedy seemed to enjoy all those belly rubs I've given him over the past year. I mean, he really, really seemed to enjoy the attention...and now I know why.)

So there is my update on Speedy, our family's ninja turtle. It's good to know he wasn't PMSing after all, and that we've given him a safe, healthy, happy environment. May he enjoy many more decades with us, as turtles are apt to do.

Does My Turtle Have PMS?

This is Speedy. She is an Eastern Box Turtle. Our neighbors found her in 2011 when she was about the size of an American silver dollar coin and domesticated her. Her shell is now slightly smaller than a softball.

During the summer of 2013, our neighbors were relocating to another area of the United States. They asked if my family could hang onto Speedy until they got settled. Long story short, by the time they were settled there, Speedy was settled here and we all agreed that she could stay with me indefinitely.

Speedy has a very good life, for a turtle. We upgraded her previous tank to one that measures 40 gallons, practically doubling the size of her habitat. In her tank she has:

• Wood shred perfect for burrowing
• A wading pool just large enough for soaking
• Wood hiding hut custom built from reclaimed wood
• Half a hollow log for climbing and hiding
• Replica slate used as a feeding dish
• Two different types of cuttle bone

I thought we were doing okay, but then Speedy went through a bit of a funk. She hunkered down in her hut for days at a time. Her tank is right next to my work space so she and I spent quite a bit of time together. During her funk, I barely saw her.

Finally I placed a frantic call to the nearest reptile vet. After several days of phone tag, I eventually got a live person on the phone and explained the situation -- about my turtle, who is a reptile. A vet tech called back and asked for more information regarding my bird. I don't even have a bird.

By this time, Speedy was back to her old self. I joined a group on Facebook and got a little advice. One repeated comment to the picture above was that her beak is overgrown and needs a trim. Because there's no other reptile vet in the area, it looks like I'll be tackling that myself.

I'm just glad the poor thing doesn't have PMS!

Like all the interesting things that happen in my life, Speedy is someday destined to make it into one of my books. Do you have any interesting pets? Are you a writer who gets inspiration from animals? Please share about it in the comments. I'd love to hear from you!